Goodbye All.....

The past five years has been amazing and i have learned so much and grown even more then i ever could have imagined, but the time has come for me to say goodbye.

I'll still be writing and maybe one day someone will pay me to do it, but until then consider this my farewell. Shakespeare said it best:

"All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances,
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages."


So farewell my friends, its been one hell of a ride.

Sometimes a Reminder from the Past is EXACTLY what you need

i want to be on a billboard
in times square
wearing next to nothing
and not looking as anorexic
as every other girl that hangs
at 50 feet tall
I want to be larger than life
and yet small enough to appreciate it
and be humbled by it
and I want the adoration
that women who don't deserve it
get because they hang next to me
I want to dominate this existance i've been given
and take it for all its worth
and devour it like its competition
in the State championship game
that means nothing in the long run
but everything at that moment in life
and most of all i want to be accepted
for not being that girl
and not feel guilty
for having these curves
but most of all i want the world
that admires those billboards
and the media that sets those expectations
to examine themselves with a microscope
without the option to airbrush
and the lighting that helps make them look skinny
and realize that Who i am
makes me worthy of hanging
up there in times square
not who they think i should be

Storming the Beaches

To say it was mind-blowing
would be an understatement
To say i don't think of it
would be a bold faced lie
To say i have allowed myself to linger
in the spaces of time they exist
would be a gross truth
But to have shaken it from my core
would be an affirmation of growth

In the time it took to fall
it seems the healing time was much greater
and yet in the simplicity of knowing
somewhere it went wrong
the comforting factor remains
it was never on my end


the truth is never kind
hearts never lie
passion burns eternal
and a soul can heal
in my own reality
i did what i could

and yes i lost myself along the way
but while life is a series of battles
your success is not measured by how many
or how few you win
it is only measured
by if you can win the war
and to call me anything less
then a 4 star general
would be a grave error
on the part of any
who dare to bet against me

It just came out of nowhere......

truth be told i missed you once
or maybe more then
but the problem arose of absence
as in your presence from me

and a growth occurred
in a garden not made of this earth
where salt and sand soothe
and honey stings

with an overwhelming burst of sunshine
whilst the clouds drift far and free
the sounds of passion echo throughout
reverberating to the core of the building

Just because the bell chimes
and the time on the clock reads
what you wish it to be discovered as
doesn't mean its right

and the speed bump on the ramp to the door
won't help you figure it out any quicker
but the discretion and indiscreet moments
were well masked and blanketed by all

but my reactions and disturbances
lay buried under the asphalt
for the road i have re-paved over
what gravel lay still scattered

there's a highway now where a park was
but not for a purpose
high traffic can cause a commotion
but most days its organized chaos

the noise level can raise without notice
as glass from the windows break frequently
but at least there's a cool breeze
that will always clam the heat

something's brewing

the world's a flutter
my words melt like butter
on freshly cooked pancakes

you wear your transparency
as if it were Clark's cape
but like Lex, i have the kryptonite

there's a storm headed to town
you better buckle down
we could reach a category 5

I've drawn a line in the sand
i'm about to begin
and there's no telling where i'll go

And so they say
the song remains the same
unless you break the mold

So i've started to chip away
and there's no telling how long it will take
but i'm steadily working through

Now through the cracks shines a glimmer of light
and hopefully i get there sooner then later
but it's a tad more of a tight rope walk
when you're working from the inside out

musings from my mind

I am derived from dreams unrealized
where formalities and idiosyncrasies align
and yet not just within the universe
but far beyond the wildest of dreams

My soul is an ever expanding ocean of experiences
and my livelihood is comprised of sarcastic quips
and teetering visions of insanity inside the corners of my mind
and yet i make no apologies
for the continual circumstances i find myself misplaced in

My heart is more then a muscle
or something monitored by man's machines
it could place first in the strongman
and still not need a moments rest
before it supplied the sensation of when i see those faces

How tragic my Ophelia-esque existence proclaims to be
until i capture and bottle its sensationalism
and recite it to the masses like Hamlet's final act
with the feverish pitter patter on keys of white and back
while ironically living in the world of Grey
with technicolor moments sporadically placed throughout

Sunsets provide the calm before the storm
and then it all goes back to the beginning
and the dreams which i've been chasing play out
like epic movie moments with the music cued right on time

But i awake, always
just before the credits roll
and the issue is resolved
and i never get to see how it would end
in my world

Then again to see its ending wouldn't allow
for the circumstantial and perennial guessing games that follow
the dicing and mincing of symbolism
so much so that Shakespeare himself can not be quelled of his anger
and sheer disappointment for not always taking things at face value

So i will continue along my forsaken path
having been derived of dreams unrealized
with the understanding that one day
there will come a spot of time
where it will all align for me
where it will all culminate and make sense

But when that day comes its issuance of finality
will be far too bitter sweet
as the victorious emotional benefit will only be present
mere moments before my utter demise.

Jason Mraz wrote a song about me...

Read these lyrics and think about it for about .05 seconds and tell me he didn't write this about me. I know, He doesn't know me or anything about me, but instead of hearing a song that makes me feel bad about love or my lake of it - this is my song.

My quintessential love song and i'm so grateful to have heard it.

'A Beautiful Mess'
By: Jason Mraz

You've got the best of both worlds
You're the kind of girl who can take down a man,
And lift him back up again
You are strong but you're needy,
Humble but you're greedy
And based on your body language,
And shoddy cursive I've been reading
Your style is quite selective,
Though your mind is rather reckless
Well I guess it just suggests
That this is just what happiness is

And what a beautiful mess this is
It's like picking up trash in dresses

Well it kind of hurts when the kind of words you write
Kind of turn themselves into knives
And don't mind my nerve you could call it fiction
But I like being submerged in your contradictions dear
'Cause here we are, here we are

Although you were biased I love your advice
Your comebacks they're quick
And probably have to do with your insecurities
There's no shame in being crazy,
Depending on how you take these
Words I'm paraphrasing this relationship we're staging

And what a beautiful mess this is
It's like picking up trash in dresses

Well it kind of hurts when the kind of words you say
Kind of turn themselves into blades
And kind and courteous is a life I've heard
But it's nice to say that we played in the dirt oh dear
Cause here we are, Here we are
Here we are [x7]
We're still here
What a beautiful mess this is
It's like taking a guess when the only answer is yes

Through timeless words, and priceless pictures
We'll fly like birds, out of this earth
And times they turn, and hearts disfigure
But that's no concern when we're wounded together
And we tore our dresses, and stained our shirts
But it's nice today, oh the wait was so worth it.